Season's Greetings

The holiday season is finally here and I’m not talking about the stupid-early Chrismahanukwanzakah displays in stores and on houses. I’m talking about that magical period of the year during which the special Reese’s-Peanut-Butter-Cups-That-Aren’t-Actually-Cups-At-All are available. Joy to the World!

The jolly old elves at Reese’s kick it all off with vaguely pumpkin-shaped blobs of chocolate-peanut butter goodness at Halloween.

Then we roll right into the vaguely Christmas tree-shaped blobs. Those hang around through the first of the year and that’s when the vaguely heart-shaped Valentine’s Day version shows up. Then we finish up the most magical time of the year with the vaguely egg-shaped Easter blobs.

All of these things have thicker patches of the Reese’s peanut butter mix and that chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio makes them even better than the original cup style. 

During this season we also get to experience the magic of the Reese’s Snowman, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Heart and the little guy who started it all, The Reeseter Bunny. (See what they did there?)

The Reeseter Bunny is Reese’s take on the chocolate rabbit. Thicker chocolate walls stuffed with peanut butter filling that tastes so good it would make you slap it out of a baby’s hand and take it for yourself. 

Because you can never have too much of a good thing (and Reese’s can never get too much of your money) they put out a snowman version at Christmas and a big ol’ heart shaped one at Valentine’s Day. I’m not sure why there isn’t a Halloween Ghost or something yet. What’s going on over at Reese’s that no one has even tried a monster-shaped giant peanut butter cup? Are they trying to break my (peanut butter) heart? They could easily make "The Blob". That’s a monster and all the smaller holiday peanut butter cups are pretty much just blobs anyway. Someone call up Mr. Reese and get him on this. Blow those pumpkins up a couple-three-four sizes, put 'em in a fancy Halloween package and sell me one. Or five. Do it in the spirit of the season.

So Cal Biscuits and Gravy

Several years ago my Kentucky/Tennessee born and raised parents came back from a trip to San Diego complaining that they couldn't find biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I was skeptical. "You just didn't look hard enough," I told them. Well, I found out for myself how scarce that southern staple really is in Southern California when I moved to Los Angeles in 2010. After several fruitless searches of my own I gave up on finding this particular comfort food. Then today I discovered these at a Subway restaurant:

Apparently Frito Lay was running a contest asking for new flavor suggestions and Southern Biscuits and Gravy made the top four. Do they taste like biscuits and gravy?

A little… sort of… maybe… if you threw in some potatoes. Which isn't a bad thing to do with actual biscuits and gravy so I'll take it. Beggars can't be choosers, after all. And like the old saying goes, "In the land of no biscuits and gravy the biscuits and gravy potato chip is king." So I decided to enjoy my biscuits and gravy outside on a rare So. Cal. cloudy, rainy (man, I miss rain) autumn-like day while wearing my new "Y'All" sweatshirt from Kentucky for Kentucky. Now if I could just cut down that palm tree looming over my shoulder it would feel almost like home. Kind of.

Chicken in a Biskit

My friend Grant told me about Chicken in a Biskit Baked Snack Crackers. Have you heard of these? 

I’ll let him enlighten you.

“I have a fairly large portion of my family who hail from such strange foreign lands as Missouri, Oklahoma, and Tennessee, and my entire life I've encountered these things lurking in the cupboards of my relatives.

The idea that these crackers even exist is somewhat revolting, but for some reason (it must be a long term exposure thing, like building up resistance to Cyanide) I can eat a whole box and when I get to the end fully realize I don't really like them at all. Yet there sits an empty box.”

I hail from a strange foreign land myself (Kentucky, down near the Tennessee border) and yet I’d never encountered Chicken in a Biskit so I had to give them a try. 

The first thing I was struck by was how little they taste like either chicken or a biscuit. (I suspect that they may have spelled it “Biskit” for legal reasons.) The flavor is more “sour cream & onion” (and not great sour cream & onion at that). Still, I get what Grant is saying. I probably could eat a whole box without really enjoying them all that much. Their weirdness kind of compels another. Then another.

But that’s not enough for me. I wanted to see if I could make them taste a little better. The back of the box suggests adding spray Cheez but since I didn’t have any handy I brought out the big guns: BBQ sauce and pickles. That’s what I’d put on a real chicken biscuit. Maybe they'd dress up a Chicken Biskit. It was worth a shot.

As I crunched down my taste buds were hit hard by the pickle/sauce combo. It mercifully overwhelmed the pseudo sour cream and onion. Then a couple of chews into the bite things changed. When the cracker was sufficiently crushed up and spread around my mouth the taste came rushing in and, amazingly, it really was kind of like a chicken biscuit dressed with a dill slice and a shot of barbecue sauce. Not bad.

Do I recommend them? If you're looking for a cracker that you can eat straight out of the box, no. I mean, you'll eat them like that. You'll eat them all for some reason. Don't get yourself caught in that vicious cycle. But if you're willing to take the time to dress them -- whether it's with BBQ and pickles, Cheez, Froot or possibly something Creemy -- they might be worth a try. 

Spooky Burger

Burger King introduced their new Halloween Whopper today. It’s a regular Whopper with A-1 Sauce instead of ketchup on a bun as black as midnight. Seriously.

In the spirit of the season I got mine by the light of the biggest, brightest full moon I’ve seen in a while. Then, also in the spirit of the season, I had a terrible accident while trying to cut the thing in half.

After I bandaged up my fake injury I gave the Halloween Whopper a try. How was it? Well, basically it’s a Whopper and I like Whoppers. I like them a little better when they have ketchup, to be honest, but the A-1 was O-K. I mean, I’d have preferred the original ketchup or maybe some BBQ sauce but  it was totally fine and when I hit a strong mayo/pickle bite I honestly didn’t even notice the difference.

But what about the black bun? I wondered if it would be pumpernickel or something else weird. Sadly, no. It tasted like a regular sesame seed bun. Then I looked into it. BK isn’t saying how the buns get their jet-black color but it turns out that they tried black buns in Japan last year and they weren’t so cagey about how those things were colored: Squid ink. The buns were tinted black with squid ink. Now that’s scary.

The Halloween Whopper is available through… you know.