Monday, August 31, 2015

Hurray for Donut Town!

I’m back home in Los Angeles. La La Land. The City of Angeles. The City That Never Sleeps. The Windy City. The Big Apple, they call it.

Okay, they call it some of those things. What I call it is “Donut Town.”

Seriously, what’s with all the donut shops in a place so obsessed with fitness? Not that I’m complaining. I love it, in fact. And not that I think those things are mutually exclusive. I’m in okay shape and I eat junk food every damned day.

There are literally hundreds of donuts shops in LA. (This guy counted 842 in Los Angeles County.) We’ve got Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts, Winchell’s and Randy’s.

There’s California Donuts, Stan’s in Westwood and my favorite by far: Primo’s Donuts at Sawtelle and National. I was lucky enough to live a couple blocks away from this family-owned and operated treasure my first three and a half years in L.A.

Nothing made me feel better than buying a hot, fresh, delicious donut from a woman that – I swear – looked just like my 88-year-old grand mamma. I hope she’s still there. I think I’m going to make the trip down to Primo’s and grab me a cake with pink icing and sprinkles. Don’t laugh. Primo’s is the place I discovered that Homer Simpson might be a jerk-ass but he truly knows his donuts.  

(Before you comment, yes I'm aware that Homer Simpson isn't real. Homer Simpson is just an actor.)

As I head out to fight LA traffic for a taste of Primo’s I’ll leave you with this little video I made on National Donut Day in June (pre-Junk Food Jones). It’s chock-full of tasty donut facts!
(Disclaimer: This video contains absolutely no facts.)

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Let That Be Your Last Plain Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Did you ever see the episode of Star Trek where that guy who was the Riddler on the old Batman TV series played an alien with a half black/half white face?

He’s from a planet called Cheron where guys like him – you know, guys with the white on the left side – have only one problem: Those awful Cheronians with the white on the right sides of their faces.

Can’t we all just get along? Maybe both sides should band together to focus on their real problem: Outfits that reveal too much paunch and space batch.

Anyway, I was thinking about those split-faced fools this morning when I had my first peanut butter-slathered grilled cheese in years. “What’s that?” you say. “Peanut butter on a grilled cheese sandwich? Did you lose a bet?”

I grew up eating peanut butter on my grilled cheese. Didn’t know there was any other way. I was actually surprised and a little appalled to see my first naked grilled cheese when I was about six or seven years old. It just looked unseemly and tasted so bland.

I learned the peanut butter thing from my Dad. He got it from a guy at work. Dude swore by it. Dad thought it sounded terrible but he gave it a shot anyway and was pleasantly surprised.

Seriously, you should overcome whatever negative reaction you’re having to the whole idea right now and give it a try. The grilled sandwich warms the peanut butter which mixes with the cheese. It’s gooey, weird perfection.

As my family was telling my wife about our grilled cheese history (maybe this is a talk we should have had before we got married) I flashed back to the Sectional track meet my high school sophomore year. It was an all day thing and another guy on the team was making cheese and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. I thought that was super-disgusting. Me, a life-long peanut butter grilled cheese eater was scoffing at –  even kind of offended by – a cold peanut butter and cheese sandwich. And, as I remembered that moment, I recalled that episode of Star Trek with it’s broad portrayal of prejudice and I realized something very, very profound: Those guys with the white on the left side were right. Screw right side whitey! Up with grilled cheese and peanut butter! Down with cold cheese and peanut butter!  Some things just aren’t equal.

(But seriously, racism is totally evil and wrong. Can't be too clear about that. Star Trek's point taken. Not sandwichism, though. That’s righteous and good.)

Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Madison Sisters

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to come up with a good Ashley Madison joke. No luck so far but I will say that if it had turned out Dolly Madison was the snack cake company that made Ho Hos and Ding Dongs you’d be laughing your ass off right now.

Dolly Madison does bake Zingers, though, and since I hadn't eaten one in years I grabbed myself a package at the local Quick Stop.

They also come in chocolate but, to me, Zingers are always raspberry flavored with coconut on top. If you haven't had one, a raspberry Zinger is basically a Twinkie gone fabulous. 

So, I guess you could say that I didn't get myself a zinger but at least I got myself a Zinger! 
(You could say it but you absolutely shouldn't and I shouldn't either. But I did. Maybe it's the sugar rush talking.)

Biscuits & Gravy Hack

Food hacks are hugely popular and I’m nothing if not opportunistic so I’m going to jump right on that bandwagon and ride it all the way to Internet Famous. Here goes!

If you eat biscuits and gravy like this you’re doing it like a sucker! 

My mom is from Tennessee and everyone she grew up with does it like this:

Yep. Just flip both halves over. It keeps your gravy warm. Simple but genius. 

Seriously, I'm not sure this qualifies as a “hack” but it really is an easy way to make your biscuits & gravy experience even better. Give the Tennessee Way a try. You might get some funny looks from your breakfast mates but screw them; you’re the one eating warm gravy.