Monday, July 4, 2016

Stars and Stripes Forever

It’s Independence Day here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. so I went out looking for some special 4th of July Reese’s. If you’re a regular reader (Hi, Mom) then you know about my chocolate-encased peanut butter obsession. There’s no bad Reese’s product but the best-of-the-best are the super-sized holiday specials. I’m talking the Halloween pumpkins, the Christmas (Winter Holiday?) Snowmen, the Valentine’s Day hearts, and the Easter Eggs. It’s not just the size, mind you, it’s the thicker chocolate and thicker peanut butter that makes them great.

It seems like Reese’s puts out more special holiday candy every year (2015 brought us mini-Christmas trees and mini-Halloween ghosts) so I was hoping, even though I’ve never seen a single special Reese’s star-spangled treat before, to discover that this was the year that they'd make a big ol’ Uncle Sam hat or something. Instead, I found these.

Are they little stars, like the mini-hearts and mini-rabbits I enjoyed in the winter/spring of 2016?  No sir, they are not. In fact, they’re just regular mini Reese’s in some fancy foil.

Don’t get me wrong, I love mini Reese’s and the patriotic wrapping is better than nothing, I guess, but I expect better from the company (Hershey’s, which owns the Reese’s brand) that gave our soldier’s candy bars during World War II. To me, the quintessential American hero is the gum-snapping, “Nutz to ya’, ya’ Nazi dope”-cracking, G.I. Joe passing out Hershey’s bars to kids as they liberated France from the bad guys back in The Big One. Let’s honor them with some real special candy, not some tarted up same ol’. I mean, I’m pretty sure Paul Revere didn’t leave the Boston Tea Party early and ride all the way to Lexington and Concord to fire the Shot Heard Round the World that cracked the Liberty Bell just for this:

I guess if I want some special Independence Day store-bought junk food I’m just going to have to be satisfied with these:

At least the folks at Hostess slapped on some blue icing and decorated the thing with red and white star-shaped sprinkles. Those are some right-thinking Americans, right there. Sure, the Star Spangled Cup Cakes don't taste nearly as good as the delicious regular orange or chocolate kinds (in fact, they don't taste especially good at all) but I guess you can't have everything.

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