Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Let That Be Your Last Plain Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Did you ever see the episode of Star Trek where that guy who was the Riddler on the old Batman TV series played an alien with a half black/half white face?

He’s from a planet called Cheron where guys like him – you know, guys with the white on the left side – have only one problem: Those awful Cheronians with the white on the right sides of their faces.

Can’t we all just get along? Maybe both sides should band together to focus on their real problem: Outfits that reveal too much paunch and space batch.

Anyway, I was thinking about those split-faced fools this morning when I had my first peanut butter-slathered grilled cheese in years. “What’s that?” you say. “Peanut butter on a grilled cheese sandwich? Did you lose a bet?”

I grew up eating peanut butter on my grilled cheese. Didn’t know there was any other way. I was actually surprised and a little appalled to see my first naked grilled cheese when I was about six or seven years old. It just looked unseemly and tasted so bland.

I learned the peanut butter thing from my Dad. He got it from a guy at work. Dude swore by it. Dad thought it sounded terrible but he gave it a shot anyway and was pleasantly surprised.

Seriously, you should overcome whatever negative reaction you’re having to the whole idea right now and give it a try. The grilled sandwich warms the peanut butter which mixes with the cheese. It’s gooey, weird perfection.

As my family was telling my wife about our grilled cheese history (maybe this is a talk we should have had before we got married) I flashed back to the Sectional track meet my high school sophomore year. It was an all day thing and another guy on the team was making cheese and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. I thought that was super-disgusting. Me, a life-long peanut butter grilled cheese eater was scoffing at –  even kind of offended by – a cold peanut butter and cheese sandwich. And, as I remembered that moment, I recalled that episode of Star Trek with it’s broad portrayal of prejudice and I realized something very, very profound: Those guys with the white on the left side were right. Screw right side whitey! Up with grilled cheese and peanut butter! Down with cold cheese and peanut butter!  Some things just aren’t equal.

(But seriously, racism is totally evil and wrong. Can't be too clear about that. Star Trek's point taken. Not sandwichism, though. That’s righteous and good.)

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