Sunday, August 28, 2016

DQ Royal Blizzard

I don’t go to the Macaroni Grill anymore. I got sick of the waiters writing their names upside down with a crayon on the paper “table cloths” when they introduced themselves at the table. That signature (in both senses of the word) trick just seemed like showing off. Could have been my hunger talking, I guess, but it made me want to slap that stupid crayon right out of their stupid hands.

I feel exactly the same way when the folks at Dairy Queen turn the Blizzard cup upside down before handing it to me. I know they think they’re proving that the soft serve inside is properly thick and all but, to me, they’re just wasting time being smug when I could be digging into that rich and creamy goodness. Blizzards are so ridiculously delicious, though, that I’ll put up with some obnoxious behavior just to get my hands on one but, for the record, I do it under protest. 

I guess I’ll be doing it more often than normal now because DQ has a new(ish) kind of Blizzard that I just got around to trying. They call it the “Royal Blizzard”. I’m still not sure how adding filling to the middle confers royal status upon a thing but it can’t help but make it more delicious so you know I’m all in. Here’s what the Royal Oreo Blizzard is supposed to look like:

Check out that treasure trove of filling just waiting to be excavated and enjoyed!

Well, here’s how mine looked in real life:

Where the hell is my fudge? Oh. Wait. There it is. 

It seems to have coagulated and migrated into and throughout the Blizzard proper. Maybe that Dairy Queen -- whoever she is -- should get the royal scientists to work on some kind of fudge containment system if they want to advertise a “fudge center” as opposed to “widely dispersed little fudge blobby things” like I got.

Still, Oreo Blizzards are awesome and adding blobs of fudge to the blended Oreo cookies only makes them more awesome so, like I do with the cocky way the thing is served to me, I’ll put up with a less-than-perfect-looking treat just to get my even-better Blizzard fix. 

I'm not sure, but I think DQ and I might be in an unhealthy relationship.

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