We’re deeply divided by many issues
but I think there’s one thing upon which we can all agree: Igor was a terrible
lab assistant. Dr. Frankenstein sent him out to get dead body parts to make his
monster and the best head Igor could come up with was one with a flattop skull?
(And, by-the-way, how did that guy die? Was he beaten to death with a shovel?
Did an Acme safe fall on him? Frankenstein’s monster definitely raises more questions
than he answers.)
Also, I’m not surprised that Doctor
Frankenstein had to go into mad science. Have you seen the stitchwork on his
monster? No respectable hospital would hire that guy.
I think a good defense against
Dracula is to carry a red magic marker. That way when he shows up you can put
two red dots on your neck. Then you’re pretty safe because, yuck, leftovers.
Speaking of Dracula, I’ll bet
when Drac sees modern vampires he just shakes his head and wonders, “When did
people stop dressing for dinner?”
Cut witches some slack, man. Think
how “wicked” you’d feel if you had to do your morning commute hanging 200 feet
in the air with all your bodyweight crushing a broomstick into your crotch.
Everyone who lived in the Black
Lagoon resented the fact that it was only known as the hometown of The
Creature. “What about the natural beauty of the unspoiled jungle?” they
wondered. “What about the new arts center out on Highway 9?”
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