Monday, November 28, 2016

chuao CHOCOLATIER (Don't blame me. That's how they spell it.)

Chuao calls themselves a “chocolatier” and puts out some highfalutin’ candy bars. Check out this fancy motherf’er right here:

Honeycomb? Are you kidding me? The package claims it’s, “Luscious amber honey, caramelized into crisp bits and enrobed in dark chocolate”.  “Luscious”?  “Amber honey”? “Enrobed in dark chocolate”? Enrobed? Are you freaking kidding me? I know one man’s elegant is another man’s gaudy but by any standard that’s pretty florid talk for something you can buy at a Ralph’s so I tried it with one mocking pinky sticking straight out like an old British lady at a posh tea party. (Or at least that’s kind of how I remember them doing it on that one season of Downton Abby I half watched with my wife.)

Well, the package might have set me off on a rant but the taste shut me up real quick. I hate to admit it but the “chuao honeycomb” (yeah, those pretentious bastards spell it in all lowercase like so much e.e. cummings) was mighty tasty. Turns out dark chocolate mixed with a strong honey flavor is pretty great. I could do without the attitude but, after actually eating one, it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

In fact, I liked it so much I tried their “baconluxious” bar.

“Delicate maple sweetness, a sprinkle of bonfire smoked sea salt and crispy, uncured bacon in milk chocolate”. Give me a break. But, again, the candy turned out to be damned delicious. The salt brings out the chocolate’s sweetness in a very nice way and the hint of bacon flavor is always welcome in my mouth.

“chuao” might be pretentious but I’m giving them a pass. Their stuff is too good not to eat. I am going to wolf it down double-fisted like a cretin, though. Consider it my little protest against candy bar pomposity.

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